Vancouver chronicle

I went down to Fraser 45^th Avenue as usual to enter into stores and come out without spending a cent. I finally came out of the dollar store (well, did buy something there) and sat on the bench at the bus stop. There was a guy sitting next to me. 2 minutes past, I heard a sort of a hissing (breathing) noise, along with the liquor smell. I looked at the guy, he was sitting still, staring at an invisible spot with 80% of his eyes closed. 5 minutes past, he asked me (in a loud voice), “ What time the bus?”.

 “9 minutes”, I replied.

The conversation begins

“Where you from? Where? Which country?” (he was quite loud)

“India”

He nodded, more than three times

“Guess, which place I from?”

I shook my head and then hesitantly said.. “France ..?”

“Mexico. You know Mexico? Mexico, Mexico… (after a pause) I am 47 years, 47 years!!” (with a can you believe it? look).

I smiled and nodded, nodded once, twice, then more..I could tell he was quite drunk, and I was getting a little panicky inside.

He continued loudly. “India and Mexico Capricorn, Capricorn, you know Capricorn? Both Capricorn, Capricorn.. you know Capricorn?”

I was puzzled, and said no.

“India and Mexico good people, friends, Capricorns both, strong people (making a wrestler like gesture broadening his shoulders). Capricorn... I am a teacher, I am 47 years, 47 years!!...If you come to Mexico, people think you are Mexican, both Capricorn, you know Capricorn?”

At that point, I took out my smart phone to look it up. He asked me to look, India Mexico Capricorn. The first link I found was of Tropic of Cancer – which passes through both countries, which I misunderstood as the Tropic of Capricorn and said “ Oh .. this (showing him the screen)”. Without looking at it, he assumed I understood and happily said “Ya, Capricorn, both Capricorn”.

“I am engineer in Mexico, work there good, I am 47 years, 47 years!, Here I work, earn some money, good,” and somewhere in his chain of words, he said “Ha Fuck them you know” (he constantly nodded and made hand gestures which said – hmm ya life is like that, who gives a fuck). By this time I started to think that he was quite sad about the fact that he was 47 years old now.

He looked at me, wanting to ask what I did.

“I am a student”

“Oh ya student, good. When (as long as) parents support, good you study. Life good. If you come to Mexico, people think you are Mexican”

“Ya.. I look similar”

“Yes..Capricorn…. how do I look?”

“Indian but little bit different”

“Ya… little bit different, I know I have mustache.. (touched his face) and I am 47 years! You are very young, yes I know, I know, because when you 47 years, you just know” (he poked his forehead with his forefinger while he said this). I know. I am 47 years! .. I have a girlfriend in Mexico but I not want to call her.. she ask money. I don’t call.”

Pause.

Constantly nodding, I was desperate for the bus to come now, looking around for it and checking of somebody else is also listening to this loud man.

“I work here” (showing his dirty pants), look all dirty dirty. I work for this man. He is Aquarius. You know Aquarius. You don’t know Aquarius. Aquarius. I am Leo (gesturing his broad shoulders). He is Aquarius. Leo Aquarius good friends.”

At this point I was really puzzled with his Zodiac sign language, and decided to decode it properly.

He asked me “How long you in Canada”.

By now I was no longer worried for the bus to come. I did not know whether he meant How long “have you been” in Canada, or How long "will you be" in Canada, I replied for the latter. And while asking this, he suddenly started pointing towards my slippers, which made me jerk my legs, thinking there is some insect.

“4 years”

“Oh, 4 years, good. Sandals, your sandals. These sandals mean you stay long time.. I have been here 18 years! 18 years!. Showing his shoes. But thts ok, hmm ok, that’s ok.” (with "who gives a fuck" look)

I could not understand the logic, 18 years is very long, but he was not wearing sandals.

“I live in Downtown.. bus will come where? Here or there?”

“Here” I said

“When you come to Canada?”

“One month”

“Oh one month”

At that moment the bus came, and we boarded. I deliberately sat next to another man, giving him no space next to me.

After reaching home, I looked up the Capricorn stuff. Apparently certain colors are also associated with the Zodiac sun signs and the color for Capricorn is Brown!

Identity

I often think about the trajectory of my physical existence. The one city of my origin, and the multiple locations which I visited, inhabited and travelled in. However, as recurring as this collage in my mind, a clear picture of my identity is equally rare. In the constant but still expanding “geography” of my journey, I cannot locate the center of my existence. Do I belong to the place I took birth in? In which I spent first 16 years of my life, a modest town which is ever more chaotic and mind boggling than it used to. Or do I identify myself with the imposing metropolitans I have studied and worked in – where sophistication is the norm, where the traffic lights mean only one thing and where a hotel and a restaurant do not mean the same thing.

Ever since I left twelve years ago, I must have visited my hometown tens of times. I have found it getting increasingly intense over time. Today, I see English medium schools in every corner, new banks, more congested markets, poorly attempted widening of roads, and a newly constructed shopping mall, hoping to be fully occupied and operational. It’s a dream place for the many villages and towns nearby, and so thousands of students flow in every year – to study, to grow and develop, to thus catch and taste the not-so-low hanging fruit of economic growth. I admire the ambition and conviction this town has shown. Having said that, despite the explosion of colour and richness, a change many like me would expect, I fail to identify myself with this place of my origin. Prejudice runs deep in the social fabric, with religion, caste, occupation, constituting the parameters of identity. Prejudiced comments and actions are so casually and ubiquitously practiced that sometimes, I long for the same sophistication and haughtiness of big cities which I make fun of. May be because somewhere hidden under that veil of pretentiousness and arrogance, there is a silver lining of freedom and dignity.

Still, I must qualify what I just said. Why, I ask myself, I feel left out at the sports bar when I refuse to drink with my fellow “cityzens”, or when I opt for a modest but delicious dinner outing rather than a lavish and expensive one. It would be wrong to assume that urban societies epitomize social utopias full of harmony and synergy. They have their own form of prejudice and created un-necessities. The income status, place of residence, social circles – all feed into the perceptions – rendering all relationships and friendships shallow, to say the least.

So I remain confused, about the locus of my identity. I find myself too refined for the ingenuousness of my homeland, at the same time, too desi for the glitter of the metropolises. But I am hopeful that in the future, which is going to take me to even newer and different places, I shall have a clearer picture of my definition! May be I do find a place I could harmoniously align with culturally, socially, intellectually, as well as economically.

Modi and Tragedy of the commons

In the last twenty days or so, Modi has proved many political critics wrong. But there is something unexpected about his working style. He was projected as the CEO, and he is working as one. Media channels adore that! Why won't they? They have always loved the way their own corporations have worked. In the same way as the focus of a CEO is profits, so is the focus of our PM - GDP. For many, Modi has brought in a much desired and much awaited change. BUT, wait a minute. I want to go slow. I do not want to be taken on an illusory joy ride. Many intellectuals, including those in the main stream media, who are now pointing their guns away from the right, should understand that with time and GDP, they also need to grow, and talk of complete inclusion (social, economic, and "ecological"  - one which most of us miss) with respect to the development agenda. If GDP has been the focus of the state for more than 2 decades now, with growing global problems and realizations, nations cannot have such a narrow focus for the future.

In much the same way the corporations feel obliged and thus forced to include CSR as part of their operations and strategy, the government itself, yet again, seems to be considering the Ministry of Environment and Forests as a liability. What is all this - Environment clearances in 60 days thing? Why should the "approval" take 60 days? It should be the decision (to clear or not to clear) which should be timed. It is funny the way Media is celebrating it. Media in India has anyway done away with whatever remaining traces of environmental journalism they used to do. They want to run tiger saving campaigns and energy efficiency drives (easy to get sponsors for both), but cannot focus on bigger and important ecological problems - rivers, forests, climate, as they will have commercial implications. As for the government, I wonder why should not a strong leadership be utilized to make even the industry fall in line? If Modi can attract followers, he should use this strength to ensure that the industries behave responsibly. They say they do not believe in environment versus development. A good thought. But if in any given situation, it actually becomes environment vs development (GDP), I am certain they will choose the latter. Going by history and the current mood, that's a legitimate fear. I hope I am proven wrong.

India needs to grow economically, but at what cost? Rivers, forests, land, climate, and health. Ramchandra Guha sums it up well in this article. May be it is time that no nation should dream of becoming an economic super power. In fact, It is not a happy dream, with no light at the end of the tunnel, its all darkness - may be a black hole!

Photo courtesy: http://www.realfuture.org/GIST/Images/PlayBillSheep.gif